less of me

Good health, a comfortable life, happiness, job security, peace… I considered having all of these be my reality meant that I was living in success. My mind has drifted countlessly into intricate portrayals of a life laced with glamor and posh. I have lusted after the guaranteed offers from wealth.

At a young age (probably when I was 10), I believed to have success was to possess the material world of security and luxury. But coincidingly, this didn’t entirely sit well within me. In my teenage years, I would repeatedly ask the same questions: How could my whole existence be about obtaining this kind of success? Why am I trying to invest so much into my life knowing that this is but a moment in eternity?

For the next decade of my life, I would struggle with bouts of anxiety and depression that stemmed from this idea of individual success. At the core of this general idea of success are three concepts: happiness, comfort, money.  All of these ideas revolve around a common character: me. Success is about me being happy. It’s about me being comfortable. It’s about me having an abundance of wealth. Me

But am I really the main character of the narrative?

I’ve wrestled with this question for years and it’s definitely something I battle with even now.

In the grand scheme of eternity, it doesn’t matter if I’m popular, wealthy, comfortable, or even healthy. I could have everything but still, have nothing. What will matter is the position of my heart.

This life is but a moment. “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone”(James 4:14). I’m in my mid-twenties now, but before I know it, I’ll be facing God, where time will long longer limit the length of my life. This conviction in my heart to re-analyze my life has been an uncomfortable place to be, but at the same time, has given me the opportunity to challenge and redefine purposeful living. When I make it less and less about myself, it becomes more and more about my true savior, Jesus. As Jesus becomes the true main character of my narrative, all other pieces will fall into place. The hard truth is, to live for Christ is to live an unconventional life apart from the world.

My life won’t reflect what society promotes, and that is exactly the point.

-ey

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